Clothes Shopping and Tips

For many, clothes shopping can be distressing and unpleasant.  With the mirrors, finding a size that fits, salespeople waiting on you, the comments that are said when you step out of the change room, it is no wonder many people feel awkward and self-conscious. While working towards recovery and/or learning to have a healthy relationship with your body, food, weight and exercise, your body may change.  Go through your wardrobe and get rid of anything that does not fit.  Wear clothes that fit today instead of hoping you will one day fit into 'X' size or acts as a reminder that you never want to fit back into 'Y'.  Get rid of your 'sick' clothes.  You are where you are in your body today and nothing in this moment can change that.  Accept this and dress accordingly.  Thrift shopping can also be fun alternative to the mall for those who like to save money or know their body will continue to change due to necessary weight gain, or other changes, etc.

Regardless of having and eating disorder or distorted eating, these tips may help make clothes shopping a little less distressing and tolerable. If you have any other helpful tips, please feel free to e-mail me!

#1 - Shop with a friend or family member that is safe, supportive and encouraging.  Have a conversation with them, let them know what you need from them.  If you try on something that does not fit, let them know how you would like them to respond.  For example, would you prefer to hear, "let me grab another pair and we can see how they fit" or "I think those are too tight/big". If you try on something that really does not look good, would you like to hear, "I liked the pink shirt better" or "My grandma wears shirts like that".  Think honestly about what you want/need and let your support person know.  Maybe you would prefer them to say nothing as simply having them there is all you want. Remember, styles do differ amongst friends.  If you find an outfit you really like, trust yourself!  Maybe you only have a certain amount of times you are allowed to ask your support person what they think of your outfit. Your friend or family member can also act as your 'fetcher' for different sizes, etc. if something does not fit.  

#2 - Tell the salespeople what you want from them, or do not need. If you would prefer not to have them check in on you for sizes, let them know!  Inform them that if something does not fit, you will go out and get it yourself.  If there are no mirrors in your change room and you have to step out to see what you tried on, let them know if you would like them to comment on your appearance or that you would like them to not say anything unless you ask.   

#3 Remember that sizes differ from store to store - bring in multiple sizes.  Ever notice how you may be a certain size in one store, while in another, something different.  It is not your body changing instantaneously from store to store. Stores simply having different sizes from one another.  Remember, you are more than a size, just like you a more than the number on the scale.  Help yourself, be proactive.  Bring into the change room a range of sizes as well as the mentality of, "I'm going to pick whatever fits the best" opposed to thinking, "I'm going to pick the smallest size" or "I'm going to pick whatever can hide my body the most". 

#4 Cut out and throw away the tags.  After purchase, and I emphasize the AFTER part, cut out and throw away any tags that indicate size.  If it is too triggering to constantly see it, get rid of it. Help yourself in this way.  There are two camps on the idea of being aware of your size or weight.  One side says, 'the number is irrelevant so why know it', while the other side says, 'avoiding is not the answer, learn to accept it'.  I think both are true.  Depending, however, where you are in recovery, it may not be helpful to constantly be reminded of the size or number.  Do what is pro health and recovery/well-being for you!

#5 Coping strategies.  Make a list of affirmations and counter statements prior going to the mall that remind you of your worth and value regardless of size, etc. Put them on your phone or in your purse/wallet so you can use them while trying on clothes. Do not forget the basics, such as deep breathing, radical acceptance and mindfulness. Take a moment and try to pick out which song is playing in the store. Do you know it?  Is there a scent in the store? How do the clothes you are trying on feel? Are they scratches like wool or smooth like silk? What colour is the shirt, skirt or pant? Being aware of these things can help bring you back to the present moment instead of obsessing in your head. 

#6 Plan Ahead.  Think what you need and what stores you think you will want to go. Sometimes, endlessly roaming the mall can be a high risk situation. If you do not know what stores you need to go to, or want to browse, give yourself a time limit. This could also help for those who lean too far into retail therapy and overspending. Do not let shopping give you an excuse to not have your snack or meal or to binge.  If you are shopping over these time periods, be prepared.  Either bring your snack/meal or plan to have it at the mall or out on the town.  Again, have an idea of where you wanna go so you aren't left 'conveniently' in a lurch to restrict or binge.

Eating Disorder Play and Panel

Yesterday, I had the unexpected pleasure of being asked to sit on a panel, alongside other eating disorder professionals and colleagues, advocates and individuals in recovery.  Prior to the panel discussion and Q & A, a play was performed, showing what it is like to be in the mind of someone with an eating disorder.  The constant struggle between the ED voice and the rational mind.  The one voice that tells you "you're not good enough, perfect enough, thin enough" versus the voice that says, "I deserve time and attention, I am indeed good enough,  I must continue to fight to get better".  Check out an article done prior to the event about the writer of the play. 

The play did an excellent job with depicting how incredibly ruthless and relentless the voice of the eating disorder or distorted eating can be.  It can be manipulative and cruel. Its pleasantries are often laced with harsh intentions. Yet, I am always amazed by the courage and strength individuals find within themselves as they swagger down the road of recovery.  After years of lies and false promises made by the eating disorder, individuals can find freedom, rediscovery or reinvention of the self, as well as self-acceptance as they fight to reclaim their lives.  I love how such creativity can be found in recovery, which then has been channeled into various forms of plays, books, music, dance, art and so on to increase awareness and encourage health and well-being. 

During the Q & A, many insightful questions were asked.  From spirituality, to family supports, to the reality that eating disorders encompass more than simply 'anorexia and bulimia'.  I enjoyed being on a panel with other experts and front line workers, such as: dieticians, volunteers from organizations such as Hope's Garden, recreational therapists, social workers, psychotherapists and those in recovery.  Each brought their expertise into the discussion, helping to shed light onto such a complicated illness.  As a professional, as well as someone in recovery, it was nice to see and hear that we all shared the same counter-cultural message. It's not about the food, it's not something people choose, there is help, health at every size, etc. 

Another mental health play (not about eating disorders) that is coming up is Elly Litvak's, one woman show, "Now Who's Crazy Now?" It plays in Toronto on Thursday March 27, 2014.  For more information, click here.  I had the pleasure of taking Elly's story telling workshop in 2009.  The workshop was another great way to help make sense of one's recovery journey with mental health issues. For me, it was an emotional, but insightful and therapeutic process.  

Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2014

The week before Eating Disorder Awareness Week (Feb. 2-8), the University of Guelph held their annual Eating Disorder and Body Image Awareness Exposé. The event was filled with various on and off campus organizations that address these issues. I brought Sophie Hogan's "The Body Image Project" as well as "wiTHIN", the graphic novel Emily McGratten and I have been working on. 

The Body Image Project, as partly seen above, is an exercise in acceptance. A woman's naked figure is shown on one side, while on the other side, through the use of arts and images, is a display of how she feels about her body. What I like about this project is that it shows women's bodies... real bodies. Yes, I acknowledge that not all body shapes are included, nor a vast variety of diversity outside of white, able bodied, females, but it is a start. It shows that all women are not stick thin, although there is nothing wrong with being stick thin IF this is one's set point.  Some have scars, some have hips and some have larger breasts than others. It is a project that encourages self-acceptance. You do not have to look a certain way in order to be happy, loved or healthy. You do not have to be a certain size in order to like yourself either. I think this is what I love most about the exposé. That attention is put on healthy living and self-acceptance regardless of size. That people do not fit into a box. That there is diversity in humanness that can, and should be, celebrated.

For most people, Eating Disorder Awareness Week was a week that probably did not  get much of a second thought... For me, however, it is a reminder of my past and a thankfulness for my future. It is a week where a little more attention is paid to eating disorders and hopefully lets individuals, family members and friends know, they are not alone. Eating disorders are not a joke, nor is it something to be desired. It is a coping mechanism for an underlying issue. It can be seductive and imprisoning at the same time. It can and does kill... too many.

On Feb. 5th, I spoke at "Faces of Recovery", an annual event put on by the Wellington-Dufferin-Guelph Eating Disorder Coalition.  It is a panel discussion by those in recovery from an eating disorder.  The panelist varied in how long they had been in recovery as well as their routes to healing. Amongst the differences, however,  lay many similarities.  It is hard to not leave "Faces of Recovery" without feeling inspired and encouraged to keep fighting. Check out an article about the success of the event, by The Wellington Advertiser, here.

Even though Eating Disorder Awareness Week is over, let us not stop talking about it.  Let us continue to challenge myths and stereotypes around eating disorders as well as the thin culture that surrounds us. Let's look at our relationship with food, weight and exercise and get the help needed in order to make them healthy and normalized.  Let us make the message of Eating Disorder Awareness Week one that continues to live on the remaining 51 weeks of the year!

Measuring What?

Feb. 11, 2014

The scale often makes its way (no pun intended) into the walls of my office.  It is never as simple as “I weighed myself today”.  Usually, this action results in some sort of modification in how the rest of the day was carried out, and/or a shift in self-worth.  An undesired number appears; feelings of shame (feeling bad about who you are) and guilt (feeling bad about something you did) ensue.  A ‘desired’ number lights up and a sense of pressure to maintain said number increases. Distorted eating or eating disorder behaviours are usually not far behind.  A salad is consumed for lunch instead of the much-desired beef burrito.  It is as if this one adjustment magically redeems or reverses what was shown on the scale earlier on.  Perhaps, feelings of failure emerge, leaving you bingeing throughout the day while thinking, “I’ll do better tomorrow”. A work out routine typically stimulated by health turns into an unhealthy motivator to burn calories and lose weight.  Insecurity creeps in.

We forget that weight fluctuates for a number of healthy normal reasons throughout the day… from fluid/food intake, to bowel movements, to time of day. What is concerning is how much of one’s worth is tied up in the number on the scale. That this number determines whether one will have a 'good' day or a 'bad' day, whether one is 'good enough' or deemed a 'failure'.  You question having felt good about yourself earlier on in the day, before having stepped on the scale.  It must have been a lie.

The number doesn’t have to determine your mood, worth and confidence.  It is simply a number.  It does not mean you are unhealthy nor does it mean you are healthy. Stepping on said device cannot measure your blood pressure, the strength of your bones, or if you are nutritionally sound.  It does not take into account muscle mass or genetics.  My suggestion, throw away the scale.  Why keep it around? In times of desperation and self-doubt, it will seductively lure you back. Do not let it measure your self-worth, self-confidence, hunger cues, health, value and motivation. Take inventory on your life and work towards having healthy relationships with friends, food, exercise, spirituality, your body and so on.  We are intricate beings; the scale cannot accurately measure all of who we are, nor should we let it.